Knowing When The Time Is Right For Couples’ Therapy

Ways couples’ therapy can save your relationship.

Therapy 17th Jul, 2021

After months of constant fighting and endless hours of the silent treatment, the relationship can be on the verge of breaking up. You are not sure you want to finish the relationship though. An excellent way to prevent this is to try couples’ therapy. The longer you wait to start therapy, the more ingrained bad interpersonal habits will become and the harder it will be to break them. Unfortunately, people tend to view couples’ therapy as an emergency measure rather than a preventive measure. 

Facts Of Couples’ Therapy: 

Although couples’ therapy will definitely help in many situations, it is not an overnight miracle solution. Here are some facts about couples’ therapy:  

1. You Are Not a Client: 

The couple is the client. Most couple therapists have what they call a “no secret rule.” This means that whatever you share with the therapist will also be shared with your partner. For example, you cannot reveal an affair to your therapist and expect it to be hidden from your partner. Also, don’t expect your partner to be the centre of treatment. This is about the two of you as a whole, not about you as individuals. 

2. Work Hard For Your Relationship: 

One of the most challenging things for couples when deciding whether to break up is that this ambivalence often makes them unwilling to do the job. Regardless of how bad the relationship is, therapy will help you. We all act according to repetitive patterns. Even if we leave the relationship, we can’t leave our luggage behind. No matter where we go, it will follow us until we figure it out. If you don’t do this, you will likely repeat the same unhealthy behaviour and follow the same pattern in the next relationship. 

3. Therapy Will Take a Long Time:

Many couples are short-sighted and expect treatment to take effect overnight. Just as it takes a while for a relationship to deteriorate, it also takes time to get it back on track. The exact number of treatment sessions depends entirely on the therapist’s method. On average, you can expect to spend five to six months of treatment to make a couple feel ready to stop receiving therapy. 

4. Your Therapist Will Not Tell You What To Do: 

You may already know that a therapist cannot tell you what to do. Instead, they try to guide you in your path to fixing your relationship. Most couples know that their fights are meaningless, harmful, and useless, but this does not stop them from arguing. Likewise, the therapist is not a referee. He/she can’t decide which of you is right or wrong. Your job is to identify the harmful patterns in which you and your partner participate, then work together to change those patterns. It is vital to respond with kindness instead of a fight. It is fundamental to open your heart to feelings in therapy instead of building a wall around it. Any stressor or obstacle that recurs in the relationship is a model that can be resolved. 

5. Happy Couples Can Go For Treatment: 

You don’t need to wait until it’s about to break up to attend therapy. Going to therapy when things are going well seems weird, as we generally consider therapy as the last straw. It is, however, an excellent preventive method to avoid future problems. If you haven’t tried it, then it is time to start. Don’t wait until it is too late.

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