Trust Is Everything

How a relationship built on trust is the foundation you need to take things to the next level.

BDSM 10th Apr, 2021

BDSM follows a certain play of power. With dominance and submission, one literally has power over the other. BDSM not only uses this fact, but it revels in it. The extent to how much power depends on the extent of submission, and to do so it comes with a huge requirement of trust. Not being hurt beyond what you are comfortable with is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to BDSM. You might be humiliated, exposed, insulted and ruined and yet all these things can be considered just par for the course, or more than likely that the more extreme the situation caused the better. The more you are able to dominate, the more the other can fulfil the role of submission, but the bedrock is trust.

Trusting yourself is part of it. Knowing your own limits and how far you are willing to push them. You might say in advance that you don’t want to be called a certain way as you consider it too extreme or humiliating, then twenty minutes later find its utterance drives you crazy. This is part of trust, and is really something someone must be incredibly sensitive to. When someone says that something is too much, they will personally know to what extent what they are saying it out of the feeling they should and how much they actually mean it. After all sometimes, we say things because we know we ought to, partly hoping that someone changes our minds. The dangerous beauty of BDSM is that it can incorporate the taboo, the limits just beyond our comfort, for which we might just need a little nudge in the right direction to get to. With that, by putting ourselves in the vulnerable situation where we might be nudged more than what we said, it takes a huge amount of trust in yourself to be ok with that, and that once you are there you don’t freak out and do your best to enjoy it. On the other side if you are the dominant you need to be able to trust yourself not to become too intoxicated with the power at the expense of who is giving it to you.

Next is being able to trust your partner. As the submissive you must be able to trust what is being done to you, or what is expected of you. A fundamental part of great sex is a feeling of being comfortable with your partner. There is a difference however between being comfortable and the stimulation of comfort. You might be taken as far away from comfort as you can imagine and still feel totally comfortable about what you are doing and who you are doing it with. This is almost entirely about trust. Trusting that who you are with will not abuse the trust they have been given, and that, as a sub, you are going to get more out of the situation than what you are giving. The beauty is that when you trust someone so emphatically and you are rewarded for such trust, this can do wonders for a relationship as you realise that you can give more and more of yourself and not be punished for it.

Trust is incredibly important in sex and especially in BDSM. There are some who will use BDSM even in non relationship sex where there is little time to build the levels of trust you might find in a relationship. This can be true, however in the element of danger there are also other opportunities to get an emotional high. Trusting a relatively unknown person to do what they want with you is a huge high, especially if it pays off and can just add more to the power fantasy. Either way it is about trust. Without it there would not be enough comfort and the situation would easily turn from hot and exciting to just plain scary.

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