How to Massage Your Partner at Home: 5 Simple Steps

How to massage your partner

What is Massage 24th Jan, 2022

Giving your partner a massage is one of the most classic Valentine’s Day’s gifts, but it doesn’t have to be so rare. Giving an in home massage can help you bond with your partner and create a deeper sense of intimacy.

Image of massage oil going on a hand.

If you want to learn how to massage – you don’t necessarily need a professional, (though that can be fun and rewarding too) just some good oil, some music, a bed, hands and an attitude to please.

Not only is an at home massage good or might help save your relationship, it can also do wonders for your physical and mental health!

Regardless of what sort of relationship you are in, spending time in the comfort of your own home roaming your hands all over your significant other in candlelight surely can’t be a bad thing.

Massage Techniques

Learning how to massage your partner at home is a lot like learning to paint. Your partners body is the canvas, your hands make the brush. Though it is possible to massage at home as an amateur, getting a pro is a whole other ball game.

Becoming a licensed massage therapist is no small feat, professionals are there when you need them and know exactly how to massage.

However a massage from your partner can be romantic and help build intimacy on top of being something relaxing.

“Massage is about giving to recieve. It’s about making a connection without words and taking someone on a journey they won’t forget.”

These are the most common, popular and effective massage techniques that you can use safely from your own home when giving your partners massage. Learning how to massage will begin with mastering these massage techniques.

1.   Kneading

The official name is Petrisage, but kneading is probably one of the easiest amateur techniques there is. It is the practice of using your palms, knuckles or thumbs to apply pressure. What you are doing is using force to break down and realign collagen fibres as you press the muscle towards the bone.

Kneading is one of the first things a professional masseur will learn because it teaches the importance of pressure and intensity to the skin and muscles has to be tailored to the client.

When kneading your partner during the massage make sure to keep asking what feels good and what is too much. Communication is absolute key because you are not their to cause pain but some like it harder than others.

2.   Rubbing

The rubbing technique uses circular pressure usually from the thumbs to stimulate blood circulation and to treat joint and muscle pain.

You want to treat local areas and essentially help individual joint or muscle pain. More pressure means that you are treating deeper areas of the body. Using just the thumbs as always more pressure to really hone in on what matters.

Among other terms, rubbing can also be a sub-category of kneading, or the deeper effleurage.

3.   Effleurage (Light/Deep Stroking)

Perfect for romantic partner massages. Use your whole hand to glide over your partners body. This one is far best with oils, you don’t want friction here. Though feel free to mix and match especially with the rubbing and kneading.

Effleurage is often used at the beginning and end of a massage because it feels so good and can relax the body. This is less of a treatment and more like stroking.

Here you are preparing the body for the rest of the techniques to come, helping to warm the muscle, get blood pumping and setting the right tone.

Just use light, gliding movements while keeping your full hand. Try circles and up and down, and make sure to ask your partner what feels good.

Effleurge can be used for muscles and joints with more pressure but will be at the cost of losing the feeling of bliss. Swedish massage is a good example of this.

5 Home Massage Pro Tips

1. Go slow

Dont hit them with everything you have. Make it fun, it doesn’t have to be a sports massage and the more you savour their body the better it will be for everyone. Learning how to massage is easier when you take the time to learn and importantly, learn their body.

2. Lighting

Try to use a space that has a good lighting, not complete darkness (you don’t want them falling asleep) just enough to feel relaxed and alert enough to enjoy everything that you do.

3. Try Intimacy

Don’t be afraid to be a bit more “intimate” than a professional might be. They are your partner after all. Remember, this isn’t the focus (unless that was the point) but still can be included. Just make sure to do as much as they want – this isn’t about you and its certainly not about blackmail.

4. Communicate

Ask questions. It’s ok to break the music with your voice. Just ask calmly – what feels good? Is this too much? Then use that information to adapt what you are doing.

5. Enjoy Yourself

If this is a chore for you that will come across. Try to get into it and empathise with how your partner is feeling. The more you put in the more you will get back in return.

image of a sauna

Preparation to Massage

1. Prepare the mood

You want to make a space that is romantic and most importantly relaxed. Make sure it’s warm enough, a good lighting – find candles if you can and place them around the room. Maybe start some incense, find a speaker or just a relaxing music playlist. Everything you do here will pay off during the massage.

2. Prepare the massage space

Start with a towel or blanket that you don’t mind getting oily and place it on the bed. If you have enough pillows you can use them to build two towers side by side.

Using a space in the centre that can support your partners head so that when they lie on their front they keep their spine and neck straight. If that’s not possible that’s ok too.

Your partner may be more comfortable lying face down with their head turned to the side with a pillow under their chest. Have your partner put their arms along their side, with palms up or arms forward with palms down.

When your partner turns face up, they may want a pillow under their knees or head. Remember to ask, communication is key.

3. Prepare the massage “oil”

First see if you have massage oil in the first place. If you do great! If not there are plenty of substitutes from olive oil to even moisturiser. All work as excellent massage tools and will make things easier as you learn to massage. As long as it will allow you to glide your hands over your partners skin then we have success.

If want to warm up the oil, you can fill a large bowl with hot water and place the oil bottle in it. If you don’t just make sure to rub the oil between your hands enough times till it warms. For a little excitement you can poor the oil cold but do this at your own risk.

Have an extra towel on hand to clean up any messes.

4. Prepare yourself

Keep your back straight and use your whole hand while massaging, though there will be times when you want to use some parts more than others. Use the weight of your body to apply pressure, rather than just your hands.

Take several deep breaths with your partner as your gently place your hands on them. You are about to give them a gift that you can both savour together.

How to Massage Back

Positioning for Back Massage

Sit or stand at your partners head, back straight for standing or kneeling if sitting. You can use a pillow if needed for your knees.

Rub some “oil” between your hands till it is warm. Gently place the hands, fingers forward and palms down, at the top of your partners back, near the neck with the spine between your thumbs.

Back Massage

  1. Start your hands at the base of the back, next to the buttock. With your thumbs gliding along the outer edges of the spine and your palms and fingers stretched towards the edges of the torso. Your hands will look like a spider.

    Glide your thumbs upwards towards the top of the spine, stopping at the top of the neck. Though we touch the neck, it is not the focus. Now bring your hands together into a palm shape and drag it back down to the buttock.

    Feel free to do this 3 -5 times to just help warm your partners back muscles up a bit and set the tone.
  2. On the last cycle stay on the shoulder blades and make circles with your whole palm.

    Use an outwards circle motion so that when your hands travel upwards to the base of the head so that your hands can follow the natural curve of their neck.

    3 -5 times.
  3. Keep your palms straight as your bring your hands along the spine and then at the bum bring your hands out over their hips. Then continue to the top of the back and repeat.
  4. At the top of the back begin to make inwards circles covering the entirety of the back but this time slowly make your way down your partners back.

    When at the bottom once again move hands out over the hips.
  5. Return to the top of the back and using the “spider” position once again, with thumbs along the spine make small circles along the spine and work your way down slowly.
  6. Repeat these strokes 3 – 5 times, combing where needed and communicate with what feels good. Apply oil generously.

image of woman showing how to massage

How to Massage Legs

Positioning for Leg Massage

Rub oil into your hands till warm. Sit or stand at the outside edge of your partner’s upper leg so that it is easy ti apply pressure down.

Start with your hands, palm down, on either side of your partners upper thigh. You want to work your way down.

Leg Massage

  1. Glide your hands in large circles along and around the upper thigh.

    After repeating for 3 – 5 times you can start to apply pressure through the thumb and repeat the same motion.
  2. Bring your hands down, gliding all the way from the top of the leg down the calf, through into the ankle, finish at the heel and then push up again this time along the outside of the leg to the top of the hips.
  3. Alternate the previous movement by instead of gliding up the outer leg, come up again along the inner thigh and leg.
  4. Now work your way up and down your partners whole leg using circle motions.
  5. Move a few inches as you go and alternate the direction of the circles that you make.
  6. Repeat movements where wanted and use again on the other leg.
home massage

How to Massage Neck and Arms

Positioning for Neck and Arm Massage

Turn your partner face up, lying flat on the towel. Sit or stand above their head so that you are facing towards their feet. Rub some oil on your hands until warm.

When massaging the neck place your palms at the base of your partner’s neck and palms against the base of the neck where it meets the shoulders.

When massaging the arms sit or stand at your partner’s side near their hand so that you are looking over their body.

Neck and Arm Massage

  1. Start at your partner shoulders, then glide your palms down over the outside of their arms until the elbow. Slide your hands to the side of their arms and push back up to the base of their head.

    Repeat 3 – 5 times.
  2. Check for pressure levels with your partner as you push your fingers into the bottom of the skull and thumbs along the either side of the spine. Don’t push too hard, just do what feels right for them as you make small circles. Move up and down the neck.
  3. Glide your hands to your partner’s collar bone and move your fingers around this space in circles. Then stroke down towards the edge of the shoulders and return back to the base of the skull.

    Repeat 3 times.
  4. Now it is time for arms. Hold their wrist with one hand and glide upwards towards their shoulder, followed by your second hand. Bring one hand to support their shoulder and keep the other over the front of the upper arm.
  5. Slide both hands down the arm to the hand while squeezing your hands slightly to create pressure. Repeat 3 – 5 times. 
  6. Grip their hand with one hand and massage small circles in their palm and towards the edge of their palm where their thumb and first finger meet.

Repeat on the second arm.

home massage

How to Massage Front of Legs and Feet

Positioning for Front of Legs and Feet Massage

Turn your partner on their back, with a pillow beneath their knees if they wish. Sit or stand at your partner’s side near their knee. 

With oil on your hands, place your palms and fingers on either side of your partner’s upper knee.

When time for lower leg we will swap position so that we are at our partners ankle.

Front of Legs and Feet Massage

  1. Glide your hands up your partners leg with your thumbs along the centre and your fingers stretched around the outer leg as you work your way to the upper thigh/outer hip.
  2. Glide your hands in small circles and starting at the top of the knee move your hands upwards a few inches and slide your hands away from each other again.

    Repeat these steps 3 – 5 times, don’t forget the oil.
  3. Now we move towards our partners ankle, so change position to get comfortable there.
  4. Take your partners foot in both hands with your thumbs acting as support for the base of the foot. Glide your hands from the base of the foot (heel) towards the ball creating circles with your thumbs.

    It’s ok to give more attention to the spots that really need it. Use a loose fist to make circles if your partner wants more pressure. Repeat as often as wanted.
  5. Still using the thumbs as support use the fingers to create circles on the ankle bones up towards the start of the calf.
  6. Repeat on the second leg and foot.

Yoni Massage

image of fingers inside a flower

What is Yoni Massage?

Yoni massage is a type of sensal massage.

Yoni massage is a tantric massage that focuses on the labia, clitoris, G-spot, uterus, the breasts, and other erogenous zones.

Yoni massage therapy aims to help you feel more comfortable with your body and gain a better understanding of what feels good to you.

Yoni in Sanskrit refers to the vagina and means “a sacred space.”
A yoni massage is about honoring the vagina and treating it with respect and care.

Yoni massage can be done alone or with your partner but is not necessarily about sex or release. Rather it is an exploration of your most intimate of areas and your connection with it.

What are the benefits of Yoni Massage?

Yoni massage is a way to approach your own sexual pleasure without it being about performance or expectations.

I just wanted to explore me. To know how good I could feel and how untapped my potential as a sexual being was.

The practice can be good for those who have experienced sexual trauma and are not yet ready to find a partner again.

The slow and methodical approach can help to make sexual expression fun, laid back and positive.

Yoni massage is also excellent for couples, lesbian couples may find this particularly interesting as an avenue to explore each others vagina.

Preperation for Yoni Massage

Prepare the mood and space

Yoni massage is about your journey of sexual and spiritual energy. It’s about finding out what’s in you. Though you can try a relaxing playlist, opting for no music is a great idea. as it will distract you from exactly how you feel and what is going on.

You might want to try some candles, but again scented ones will make things more comfortable but will also change the experience.

The way to think of it is, the more you add to the romance of the experience, either solo or with someone else the more you potentially take away from the spiritual element.

Oil can be a must, and don’t be afraid to apply generously. Keep a towel on hand if things get a little too messy.

Choose accordingly exactly what you are looking to achieve and act more or less frugal respectively.

Find somewhere dark, far from distractions, somewhere you can truly relax.

Try the floor, or the bed. Get some cushions ready if needed. Turn up the heating or put a fire on.

Prepare yourself

The Mind

This is a tantric experience. Tantra is about ritual, its about a slow meditative process of personal exploration.

Let go of expectations and attempt to focus on the journey more than the destination.

“Yoni massage can lead to orgasm, sometimes mutiple but this isn’t the focus. It’s better to stay present in. It’s strange but you want to both lose yourself in the pleasure and find yourself in the moment.”

  1. Take some deep breaths. Focusing on your breath, as it slowly leaves and enters your body.
  2. Imagine your tension leaving you as a cloud of energy as you breath out.
  3. Try to focus on the edge of the sound of each breath, trying to hear it the moment it leaves your mouth.
  4. Focus on the now, if you find your mind wandering don’t criticise yourself. Simply move your mind back to your breath.
  5. Continue this breathing as you get started.

The Body

You might want to take a shower first,

To get started:

  1. Slide a pillow under your or your partners head.
  2. Bringing knees up and slowly to the sides to expose the vagina.
  3. Place the feet on the bed or ground so that they are grounded.

Warming the body up:

  1. Rub gentle circles around your abdomen.
  2. Start slowly massaging the breasts around the nipples.
  3. After a few minutes gently tug and roll your hand over the nipples.
  4. Slowly slide your hand back down your abdomen to the vagina. Take some time to rub the upper thighs and legs.

7 Yoni Massage Tecnhiques

1. Cupping

  1. Push your fingers together into a cup shape and place it over the vagina
  2. Slowly make circles with your hand.
  3. Slowly flatten your hand until you use the entire palm to massage the whole area.

2. Tugging

  1. Gently hold the clitoris and gently tug away and release.
  2. Try again with the vaginal lips.
  3. Try different areas, always pulling away and releasing.

3. Circling

  1. Circle the clitoris with the end of a finger.
  2. Vary the size of the circles.
  3. Alternate the pressure and speed you use with your finger but always keeping it slow.

4. Tapping

  1. With one or more fingers tap the clitoris.
  2. Vary both the rhythm both and speed.
  3. Now tap on either side of the clitoris before returning back to the centre.

5. Pulling and Pushing

  1. Use the palm or finger(s) to push down on the clitoris gently.
  2. Pulse up and down gently.
  3. Keep pressure on the clitoris as you pull downwards towards the vagina opening.
  4. Repeat again on each side of the vagina.

6. Sacred spot (G-Spot) massage

In tantra the G-spot is the “sacred spot.”

The method:

  1. Curve your finger(s) (depending on what is comfortable) into a slight C shape.
  2. Use lube if needed and slide your fingers inside the vagina so that the palm is facing the same way as the body.
  3. Feel for a soft, spongy section and gently begin to massage.
  4. You can try a “come hither” motion starting from the top of the spongy part of the bottom.
  5. Vary your speed and pressure and use your other hand on the clitoris (and) or nipples.

7. Orgasm control (edging)

Edging is moving towards the point of orgasm and stopping, before backing away to start the process again. It is used to heighten arousal, increase pleasure and to increase the intensity of the climax once the body finally reaches it.

The method:

  1. Image your climax as jumping from a mountain. As you become more aroused, you are climbing higher up the mountain.
  2. Once you realise that you are near the top of the mountain (climax) its time to stop. Take your hand away or push your partner’s hand away immediately.
  3. Cool down. Take some deep breaths and put your hand over your heart to feel your heart rate.
  4. When you’re no longer in danger of climaxing, begin again. This time trying your best to stay relaxed and just visualise your mounting pleasure as you return or masturbation or massage with your partner.
  5. Again stop. The more you edge, the greater the possible pleasure as your pleasure if stored like a bottle of champagne being shook but never allowed to pop.

Yoni Massage Positions

If solo

Solo Yoni massage is great as it takes away the distraction of someone else meaning you can focus purely on your own spirit and feelings.

Lotus with hand on heart

  1. Cross your legs and keep your back straight.
  2. Keep your hands rested on your knees, palms down.
  3. Breath slowly in and out of your stomach.
  4. Place your hand over your heart and feel its rhythm and speed.
  5. Try to focus on the rhythm and feel its change as you massage.

If you’re with a partner

A Yoni massage with a partner can be very tantric. Try to align your breathing together and embark on the journey of pleasure.


  1. The one to be massaged should sit with a straight back and crossed legs.
  2. Gently sit behind them with your legs crossed in front of them.
  3. Wrap your hands around them towards their vagina.
  4. Try to breathe in unison.


  1. You and your partner lie on a bed or comfortable floor on your sides facing the same direction.
  2. The “little” spoon is the one to receive the massage.
  3. Line up your stomach and heart.
  4. Breath together slowly as you match each others rhythm.

To Learn More

If yoni massage or other tantric practices are of interest, there are plenty of books, online resource and professionals who can help you on your journey.

Sofia Sundari and Layla Martin, for example, are two well-regarded instructors.

Martin also founded the Tantric Institute of Integrated Sexuality, which offers different tantra programs for individuals and couples.

7 Benefits of Couples Massage

home massage

Whether a home massage or in the workplace, everyone needs time to relax and get rid of the stress of daily life. During the massage with your partner, the two of you can spend time in a place purely for your enjoyment and relaxation.

Even staying in such a place for a short period can eliminate all kinds of pressure that you share at the moment. 

With daily life, it may be difficult for couples to find time together. Although a home massage may not be considered as “solitary time” with your partner, it is an opportunity for both of you to talk and reconnect.

If you are looking for a way for you and your partner to bond and relax, then couples massage is worth looking into. Couples’ massages has many benefits.

Whenever you have a date night, you should try something different than the usual dinner date. If you want to spice up your romantic dates, then it is time to try a couples’ massage. Here are 7 benefits of enjoying a couple’s massage. 

1. Try New Things: 

You can only go to so many restaurants before the dinner date gets boring and repetitive. Having a couples’ massage allows you and your partner to overcome repetition and confusion.

Sharing this new experience is what it means to be a couple. It is important to try various activities and find new things that you like to do together. 

2. Enjoy a Good Time:

During the week, it is difficult for you to spend time with your partner because of work, kids, and the like. A massage can relax your mind and body. Take a break from work, and spend some relaxing time with your partner.

The best part about a massage is that it allows you to get the same soothing effect as a vacation in a much shorter period. You don’t even have to take a day off or spend the night somewhere. 

3. Reconnect:

Currently, you may be worried about many things. It is not only the present but also the past that makes you feel stressed. During your massage, you can forget all this and focus on the here and now. 

4. Reducing Stress and Anxiety: 

One of the difficulties in establishing relationships is avoiding stress and anxiety. This is especially true if one of you has anxiety. Although you can try to stop it, it will put pressure on your romantic life over time.

Massage can help your body release hormones, thereby reducing tension and reducing stress levels. You will find that after getting a massage, you can have a thoughtful conversation without being anxious. 

5. Feeling More Emotions: 

The hormones released during a massage are not just to promote stress-free communication. Touch stimulates hormones such as dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin.

These hormones work together to invigorate you and keep you happy for a long time after the massage. During this time, you will develop more affection for your partner. You may even have a new understanding of them. 

6. Encourage Intimacy: 

The hormones released during a massage will increase your feelings for your partner and improve your physical attraction. You will enjoy more intimacy after the massage. 

7. This Is An Intimate Experience: 

Adding a little novelty to your relationship can help you strengthen your connection. Although many people pack their bags and go on vacation to achieve this effect, not everyone has the luxury.

Although it is a spa day, it is easier on the wallet and not challenging to make time. Whether you realise it or not, you will end up talking about your message for weeks on end. 

Many couples don’t think that a massage can do wonders for their relationship. If you haven’t tried it yet, then you should surprise your partner with a couples’ massage.

Not only will it be a new experience for you both, but it will guarantee that you will experience more love and connection with your loved one. Stop having boring dinner or movie dates, and plan an excellent couples’ massage in the coming weeks.

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