Your Sex Life: How to Keep It Sexy
How to keep things fun when you are in a relationship.
Sex 20th Dec, 2020
What about your sex life? If you ask anyone in a medium to long term relationship, they will tell you that sex does not last. At some point the desire dissipates – from one or both partners – but why? Looking at this from a purely excitement perspective: after a while, there’s nothing more to discover about the other person. Usually the thrill and excitement of getting to know your partner sexually lessens significantly over time. Although a healthy sex life is generally considered part and parcel of a healthy relationship, there are no hard and fast rules regarding frequency. So we look at how being in a relationship might actually be great for your sex life and your best sex might be ahead of you.
Your Sex Life:
Understanding someone’s body can take time. We all have different desires of what we like and what we don’t and not everyone can get them from the smallest amount of information from their partner. Some people possess an instinctual understanding but most do not. Most people’s first time with each other is experienced better because of the emotion and the fun going into doing something which is novel. If that part was taken out, then the sex itself might have been average. With this in mind, by spending time to ask and communicate with your partner what really does it for them the actual sex can be vastly better.
Emotion can also be a wonderful addition to sex. It is no mystery that sex and emotions are connected. Why is it that after we sleep with someone we are usually more likely to think slightly fonder of them? Of course this is not always the case, but if someone makes you feel amazing and close to them in a physical way, it is easy to start to see them in a more favourable light. In the same way, if you are madly in love with someone then being able to be as close to them as possible is incredible.
What of those for whom the heat of passion has long since dried up and that feeling of “being in love” has waned? For those where sex might be a birthday or Christmas present, what is the solution? It is to realise that persistence beats resistance. Sex can be better at the end of a relationship than at the start and can radically improve how close those in a relationship are. If you are able to internalise this and actively make steps to increase the amount of sex you have without fear of rejection, things will typically improve. Being turned down by our partner doesn’t feel good, but a relationship that is dying a slow death is worse.
As unexciting as it sounds, making efforts like introducing ropes, handcuffs or even impromptu romantic breaks, might not be the answer. At best these can be small stop gaps or even buzz kills where your partner wonders if you think something is missing in them. A relationship is work and so is a healthy sex life. By remaining attentive, caring and, most importantly, by keeping trying you give yourself the best chance of having the sex you want with the person you want for years to come.