Why Is My Relationship Not Working?

3 Signs that things are not working out as well as you think and what to do about it.

Relationships 20th Dec, 2020

Relationships are full of ups and downs, not least of which is expectation versus reality. Chinks in the armour may not always be easily identifiable or obvious. Relationships don’t come with a hand book, however there are some fairly universal signs by which you can gauge the health of any union. Here are 3 signs to look out for that your relationship is not as good as you might think and what to do about it.

You Do Lots of Talking But Little Communicating:

There is a big difference between talking and communicating. In today’s age of social media posts and statuses, many people talk about how their lives are. To what extent these people are truly understood however is a totally different conversation. Likewise, in a relationship, not every conversation has to be about your inner most hopes and dreams. There should not just be blind agreement but there should be a feeling of being understood. Having someone who “gets you” is one of the biggest draws for many in a relationship however this will be unachievable without the necessary levels of communication. If you come away from a conversation feeling frustrated or unhappy, this is a good sign of a lack of communication. We recommended one way to help this is to make time without distractions of phones or t.v, to be able to just talk to your partner, eye to eye, and say what you really want. This might not cure the problem, but it will give you a good shot.

You Feel Scared To Upset Your Partner:

A relationship built on fear is not usually long to last. These fears may include unfaithfulness, breakups or something as simple as upsetting your partner. When you are constantly on eggshells around your partner, a lack of respect may evolve due to a perception of inequality. No relationship is perfectly equal but respect is essential. A lack of respect, may eventuate into complete disdain toward you and your inevitable unhappiness. Holding your tongue when something upset you (or choosing to vent to a third party) can encourage the continuation of said behaviour without any resolution. Not dealing with the problem will simply allow it to fester. As hard as it is, we recommend that you be real with your partner. If something is not great, then bring it up and talk things through. Chances are your partner might not even realise what they are doing and, once you mention it, things will quickly improve.

Your Partner Is Fickle With Their Affection For No Apparent Reason:

It is not uncommon for most people to have endured a controlling partner who uses affection as a tool. When we are constantly put on our toes and begin to question our own worth, it is much easier for us to be controlled. When we come to depend on our partner for feeling good, it is easy for them to become the centre of our orbit. Examples of this will include one minute your partner wants to kiss and hold you then the next you are avoided and even denied eye contact. We recommend either staying clear of such relationships or finding more self calm and worth as it will force your partner to stop their behaviour when they realise that they are not the one who decides how you feel. Be warned however that the controlling partner will do whatever it takes to maintain the power dynamic.

All of these signs they are not necessarily proof that the relationship is bad as they might be present in different degrees. It is not wise to compare relationships. The dynamic between two unique people will always be arbitrary. We do recommend that if you find these signs however that you confront them and work towards a reciprocal relationship based on respect and love.

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