Do I Love Them More Than They Love Me?

5 Signs that you might be giving a lot more than you are getting back.

Relationships 20th Dec, 2020

Have you ever felt something is not quite right with your relationship but was unable to figure out what? Are you feeling an inexplicable distance between you and your partner? To maintain mutual respect and affection, the game of chase in a relationship should be entirely and equally reciprocal. Here we have 5 signs that you are putting way more into the relationship than they are and it’s time to do something about it.

You Call or Text a Lot More Than They Do:

What’s that, another call that’s gone straight to voicemail? On the flip side perhaps you sent some messages that are getting little if any in the way of responses. You might not realise these things as you will think it normal and might even come up with excuses as to why this is happening. “Oh, it’s fine – they must be busy.” Of course there is never going to be a perfect balance all the time and yes sometimes people are busy, but if you find this happening a lot it is time to ask yourself if your partner puts you that highly in their list of priorities. 

They Keep Cancelling:

There is something terrible about coming up with a great plan, maybe it’s a special date or you making time to do something out of the usual which you are sure they are going to love! Then, it might be a call, a text or even in person, you are told that they can’t make it. This is ok, but then when it happens again and again you might start to realise that it’s better to not even make the effort. 

They Pull Away Physically and Emotionally:

So you want a cuddle? Too bad! When your partner goes stiff when you reach out to them or they seem reluctant, this is a sign that you might be way more into them than they are into you. It could also mean many different things and is not necessarily even about you but their problems. However if you have someone who you want to be there for you but they just aren’t, this can be a sign that it might be time to confront the issue or move on.

Talking About Anything Other Than Them is a Chore:

Yes, it might seem that people are increasingly more self absorbed, only willing to speak about subjects that relate to them. Yet, a relationship should be about give and take and therefore you should be able to talk about things that are important to both of you and sometimes just one of you without the other. But, if you find that when you are talking and the subject turns to something they might not care so much about but you clearly do and the conversation becomes a chore for them, it is a sign that your feelings are not too high in your partner’s list of priorities. On the flip side, if you find yourself trying to be enthused about everything your partner says this is a big indicator that you might be giving a lot more than you are getting out. 

Your Partner is Selfish Sexually and or Emotionally:

Essentially, a relationship should make you happier than being alone, otherwise what is the point of the relationship in the first place? If there is a net negative from your interactions, sexually or emotionally, with your partner it could be that they just don’t care so much about how you feel. There is another side where your partner might not be aware of what they are doing. A good indicator is that if you bring the subject up and nothing changes, their actions indicate that most likely they don’t care. 

Even if you find some or all of these factors going on in your relationship it can be a mistake to think that it has to be about you. Sometimes our partner loves us but is not ready to give themselves to us because of a past trauma or some guilt or other negative emotion that is getting in their way. In these cases it is best to be real and authentic, decide if we think our partner is worth giving them the time they need to heal. Trying to be our partner’s therapist is usually not a good idea and change has to come from within. Alternatively, your partner might be fine, they just might not be that into you. If this is the case it is better to be upfront and confront it and then decide if it’s better to move on and find someone who will love you for your efforts. With 7 Billion people on the planet, chances are high that there is someone.

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