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Am I Too Needy and What To Do About It
Too much loving can’t be bad can it?
Relationships 20th Dec, 2020
Love often blurs the lines between partners resulting in couples laughing at the same jokes, doing the same things, sharing activities and even finishing each other’s sentences. The elation caused from the feelings of belonging and being loved may be intoxicating, however that comes to a sudden halt with the utterance of the simple phrase “I need a bit of space”. The words drop and our whole world is put into chaos. Were we the only ones who felt that way? How could they say such a thing to me? Was I wrong this whole time?
To understand the difference between healthy love and a needy obsession, we have to look within. It is typical for us to learn what sort of relationships we are going to have from our parents. In the typical “monkey see monkey do” we learn from how they act rather than what they say, in particular how they treated us. If we were coddled and lavished over suddenly that is what we expect in our relationships moving forward, however in contrast if we were exposed to obsessive or neediness then that is likely to become our go to.
In the relationship itself, the line between love and suffocation is thinner than you would think. Of course, some people’s tolerance to love is different to others meaning what one person would find great another would find terrible but usually our need to rely more and more on the other comes from us not being able to rely on ourselves. Co- dependent relationships usually follow this formula, where one is dependent on the other for something which in a toxic way can work. Work, that is, as in lingers – and it can last as long as the people in it can. Still, the line is thin and staying on the right side of it takes observation and care. By understanding where your partner is and seeing how your behaviour affects them, it is easier to keep a track of what is going on in the relationship.
It is almost certain that well before the cries of “I can’t breath” took place, there would have been very obvious signs. Often these are displayed with a freezing up to your touch, an overreaction to your usual commentary or similar scenarios. Love is built on mutual respect and care for one another. If you are unsure, it is infinitely better to test the waters with a simple motherhood statement “I am so happy, I hope you are too” and wait for the response. You will, very clearly and definitively know how they’re feeling by their reaction. Be proactive and don’t leave a question unanswered, as you may not be happy with the result. So observe your partner, ask questions if you have to, the worst case scenario is that they will think you care about them.
With all of this in mind, it is important to remember that people are human and therefore, more often than not, unpredictable. Just because one day your partner acts like you are a bit too much doesn’t mean you necessarily have to tone it down. They might have had a bad day and haven’t got the energy they otherwise would. Always try to have an open dialogue with your partner so that you can see any potential crisis coming well in advance so that you can deal with it together.
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