3 Signs You Need to Leave a Jealous Partner

3 signs that it may be time to move on.

Relationships 22nd Dec, 2020

Having a jealous partner is not always a bad thing. If your partner thinks you are truly amazing and this manifests as jealousy, it can be rather flattering. This is fine as a running joke between the two of you but you must keep a check on how far it goes. If you are making changes to please your partner, or to avoid them flying into a jealous rage, then perhaps it’s time to get help. It may even be time to leave them. Take a look at these warning signs and, if any apply to you, then seriously consider seeking professional advice and support.

jealous partner

Jealous Partner Signs:

Gaslighting:

If someone is gaslighting you, they are lying on a regular basis to make you doubt your own sanity, memory and/or make you anxious. They may get disappointed that you haven’t done something you don’t remember them asking you to do, or when getting into the bath, ask why you aren’t ready for your date night bowling with them. When you question them, saying you hadn’t arranged a date night, they may act hurt that you could forget such a thing.

This is very manipulative behaviour designed to make you question yourself. If you believe this is happening in your relationship then call a hotline for people with abusive partners. Talk to a professional and find out what your next steps should be.

Isolation From Friends And Family:

A jealous partner can become very manipulative and, to avoid feeling threatened, want to control you and keep you to themselves. An effective way of manipulating someone is to take away their friends and family, minimising the opportunity to get a fresh perspective on your relationship, or share something your partner has done that worries you. When was the last time you saw your best friend, mum, dad, or kids – whoever you are closest to, alone?

It doesn’t have to be in person, video calls count, but if it’s been weeks or months, then maybe you need to think about why. Many new relationships start with you living in each other’s pocket, but if this is months, or years down the line, perhaps it’s time to reach out and reconnect with your friends and family.

Making Changes To Please Your Partner:

Another manipulation technique is to get you to make changes, over time, to make you less appealing to others. Occasionally this is open and abusive in the form of shouting or getting violent until you do what they want. More often, this is done subtly. Your partner will make a big deal of approving when you do something they like and silently, but very obviously, disapprove when you don’t.

They may be able to make you feel like you’ve let them down when you act or dress in a way they don’t like. If you find you are changing your behaviour, clothing style, or even personality to please your partner then something is going wrong.

Sometimes this comes from low self esteem and could be the last thing your girl/boyfriend/spouse wants you to do. If you are doing it because they approve when you do things a certain way, or act in the way you know they prefer, that is a serious sign of manipulation. If a person truly loves you, they don’t want to change you.

Have you gone from being the centre of attention at a party to being the quiet one, or the one who never goes at all? If you used to dress flamboyantly or revealingly and now you cover up in sober colours, you need to take a hard look at your reasons. Work out if this is a change you have made for yourself, or for your partner.

Everyone is jealous from time to time and every relationship will have moments of envy. If you can shrug, or, even better, laugh them off with your partner, then you are likely to have a healthy relationship. If the jealousy is long term though, and used to manipulate you, then you may want to seek professional help. Regardless of possible isolation, talk to family and friends, as they love you and will help if they can. Ultimately, understand that anyone can get drawn into a destructive relationship by a jealous partner.

This is not your fault and no matter what your other half says, or how they make you feel, you are a strong person. You can leave them. You can be yourself again and you do deserve happiness. A first step may be to research your options, as leaving an abusive relationship can be a challenging time.

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