3 Things You Should Know About Long Term Grief
Follow this steps to deal better with your loss.
Grief 22nd Dec, 2020
Grief, including long term grief, is a many layered emotion and can still leave you breathless, years later. A certain smell, or a song can trigger a wave of emotion. If you can learn to embrace those moments, rather than fighting them, it can be a wonderful way of spending a little time remembering the person who died. The memories can be treasured, brought out and shared with friends or family, instead of something you shy away from as painful.
Long Term Grief:
You Carry Them With You:
When you have loved someone they stay with you for the rest of your life. You may even find you can ask for an opinion, if you are honest and listen to what they would actually say, not what you want them to say, you can hear their advice. This can bring a measure of peace to difficult decisions and just the act of asking, even if you don’t figure out what they would say, can give you a new perspective.
You Do Learn To Live With It:
Although an infuriating phrase at the time, it is true. Once the initial rage, perhaps misguided behaviour, grief, numbness and whatever else you experience passes, you can learn to live on. Getting up, working or studying, seeing friends and family becomes woven into a new tapestry.
The gap that your loved one left will slowly, overtime, become less of a howling gale through your life. It doesn’t close, as nothing can replace the person you lost and you wouldn’t want it to, but you can learn to live with the loss.
Finding Joy Again:
You do find joy in the little (and the big) things again – from the small achievements of having a shower, to the bigger ones of enjoying a day out without feeling guilty. You may naturally still wish you could share these moments of joy, but if you allow yourself to, you get to the point where that desire doesn’t catch you off guard.
Grief can make this very difficult, particularly if you feel ashamed of being happy without your loved one. If this is the case, remember your loved one would want you to experience joy again. Perhaps you could speak with a professional and work through your guilt and grief.
The loss of a loved one can become a defining moment in your life. It can motivate you to stop putting things off, make you realise life is short and not to take things for granted. In time, you can learn to cherish the memory of the person you lost, rather than being unable to think about them without curling into a ball and crying.
Carrying them with you, learning to laugh again and living your life in a way that would make your loved one proud is a fabulous way of honouring their memory. Importantly, more than likely, that’s what they would want you to do.